The feeling of Emptiness
by SilentSicarius
Summary: How does it really feel like to be truly alone? How does one become 'Truly alone? Well it is possible to once be loved and then be forgotted. Belarus know that...
1. The feeling of Emptiness: 1

**Hi,**

**This is my first Hetalia fic and I'm kind of nervous, I don't know if my stories will be good. Please do review and give advice. Constructive criticism is welcome with open arms as long as there's no flames. Thank you!**

**Disclaimer:**

**I don't own Hetalia...**

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**The feeling of emptiness**

_Chapter 1_

'Big brother! Big brother!' Belarus practically sprinted into her beloved brother's house. She gazed around wildly, her hair sticking up in the most unlikely of places…she had a glint in her eyes, a very determined glint. Here was another day to meet her big brother and take in his beautiful appearance. She could just stare at him all day, he was that handsome and he was also very strong…so very strong…

Belarus wanted her big brother and she knew that he wanted her too. After all he always called her very pretty and boasted about her appearance to others. She loved it when she would hear her big brother talking about her from behind the trees or bushes…not that she happened to be there on purpose or anything. It's not like she stalked her big brother everywhere or anything…

Snapping out of her thoughts, Belarus shook her head. She remembered why she was here again and began her search around the house, not hiding the fact that she was here.

'Big brother!' she yelled. Peering through the living room and the kitchen she wondered where he could be. Her eyes suddenly lit up at a thought and she ran to his bedroom. There she saw an object shaking under a bundle of blankets letting out muffled cries, making her grin.

'Go away! I don't want to marry you!' Belarus smirked and slowly made her way to the bundle of blankets. She reached out her right arm towards them.

'I know you're there big brother,' she chuckled. She practically tore the blankets off the weeping Russia and enveloped him in a choking death embrace. 'Marry me big brother…marry me…' Russia had enough of this. It was time to tell her facts straight to her face.

'No!' the big country spluttered. Slowly he pried Belarus's hands away from him and she looked at him strangely. 'I don't want to marry you!' he said firmly. Deeply inside he cringed at the thought of her reaction. Maybe she'd spare him…

'I understand…' she whispered softly, making Russia grow wide eyed. She understands? He thought excitedly. This would make his job a lot easier. He let out a sigh of relief.

'Oh little sister…I'm glad you do…' he hummed. She understood! He could jump for joy and shout it out to the world, he was that relieved.

'Yes...' she whispered. Suddenly the evil glint in her eyes grew brighter and a huge Cheshire grin spread across her features. 'You want to be one with me first!' with that she pounced onto her brother, not giving him any time to react. He yelped as his back painfully met the wooden surface of the floor and he cringed at the thought of the bruise that was going to be left there. Belarus loomed over him, slowly and sensually licking her lips; as if she was teasing the crying man beneath her.

'Get off!' he cried. He wasn't ready for this, not with his Belarus anyway, she was a sister to him. That was disgusting. She hushed him, placing her petite finger onto his pale, thin lips and gliding it over the top. 'Go away!' he tried once again. Of course she hadn't understood what he meant, when did she ever?

'Before we do this big brother I have something to tell you…' she whispered softly, not knowing her brother was too busy struggling then listening.

She was about to let the words out when a voice suddenly roared,' NATALIA! GET OFF ME!'

She jumped up in surprise and Russia picked himself up. Russia had never voiced her real name, never…

'Oh, big brother. This is so delightful,' she giggled. He said her name. It meant that Russia has to feel the same way! 'I have something important to tell you-'

'And I to you,' Russia growled grabbing her onto arms hard making her wince. 'Stay away from me.' He said coldly. 'I could have tolerated your behaviour before but this it too much. Never would I have ever thought you were low enough to force yourself upon me… that makes you nothing less of a-' his voice quietened dangerously, 'whore…' With that he grabbed his white scarf which had been knocked off during Belarus's harassment and took his leave. He stopped by the door and glared at the shocked country. 'I expect you to be gone by the time I return.' With that he left, slamming the door behind him.

Belarus sank onto the floor, digesting what had just happened. When in finally sank in she placed her arms on her knees and her head in her hands. She sobbed, softly at first but after each one escaped her lips they grew louder and louder. She rocked herself back and forth in an attempt to comfort herself but that only reminded her of the times Russia held her in his strong arms making her sob even harder.

'My brother. Oh my big brother…don't leave me!' she cried. She gasped and took in a deep breath sobbing even more. 'Please don't leave me. Don't leave me brother.' She clawed at her hair, tearing clumps from their roots. 'It's not fair,' she sobbed. 'Ivan…I love you…' she confessed, tears rolling down her eyes. She spoke the words ever so softly, the sincerity emanating through them.

She wished that the floor would just swallow her up or that the death reaper would come take her soul. She suddenly felt so alone…like there was no one else in the world left that would appreciate her. She felt alone….she felt empty. Her heart had torn in two by his words. She was so naïve. How could she think that her brother loved her back? How could she?

Finally, her cries ended and she laid her head down, it hurt like hell…picking herself up from the floor she sniffled and held her head up. Glancing at the mirror above the vanity she saw the emptiness in her eyes and smiled sadly. Russia may not know it…but he had changed Belarus, not just her personality, but her whole being. She had changed in the space of ten minutes from Belarus the stalker to Belarus the…forever loner…

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**So...what do you think? Please review.**

**-SilentSicarius**


	2. The feeling of Emptiness: 2

**A/N: ****Yeah…I decided to carry this on as a fic…**

**Be warned though. The characters will be OOC and there will be times where you may say to yourselves _'Huh? That doesn't make sense…'_ But as this is fanfiction I can make the characters do my bidding…*insert evil laughter*….**

***sigh* Unfortunately, I don't own them…**

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**The feeling of emptiness **

_Chapter 2_

A gentle autumn breeze flew across the forest, carrying a few dry leaves along with it. The only wildlife to be seen were the few squirrels rushing to grab the last of the acorns and build up the food supply for the future weeks of hibernation. One of the squirrels looked up at the peculiar man who sat stiffly on the old wooden bench which had been placed for wonderers to admire the breath taking view. The water in small pond beyond the bench began to ripple beneath the wind, making beautiful patterns and adding delicately to the enticing scene.

However, the man on the bench paid no attention to his surroundings as his eyes were focused solely on his twiddling thumbs. He wondered and wondered, trying to ignore the aching in his chest. He shook his head furiously and groaned in frustration. Standing up he slammed his fist into the side of the bench and side dejectedly. Falling back down, he hung his head in shame and rubbed his knuckles, sourly muttering curses and threats to no one in particular.

The squirrel seemed to catch his gaze and suddenly scuttled off after receiving the deadly violet glare. Ivan snorted and crossed his arms childishly. What a coward…

'Ivan! How are you?!'

He was about to turn around and crush the person who dared interrupted his thoughts but instead found himself enveloped in a huge embrace. He calculated the unbelievably huge size of the chest and realisation dawned upon him.

'Ukraine?' he gasped, chocking a little from the lack of air in his lungs.

'Hello brother!' she giggled. She let go of him and watched him in amusement as he had his coughing fit. Russia looked at her in surprise….she was a bit happy….

'How are you?' he asked once he caught his breath.

'I'm good,' she hummed in reply, grinning at him. 'You?'

'I'm…' he hesitated 'I-I'm good.' He waved his arms dismissively as Ukraine gave him a questioning look.

'Oh…okay…How's Bela?' Russia clenched his fists together at the sound of her name and hissed through his teeth, shooting dagger at the leaves below his feet. '…Ivan…?' He didn't respond to her and looked away. She grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to look into her eyes. He opened his mouth in surprise but she cut him off. 'What happened?' she said in a demanding tone.

Russia sighed and once again looked away. 'S-She…' he hesitated for a moment but Ukraine nudged him to go on. 'S-She f-forced herself upon me,' he spat. Ukraine's eyes widened in shock and she gasped, covering her mouth in surprise.

'You must be mistaken!' she cried. 'Bela wouldn't do that!'

'Yeah…well she did,' Russia replied, forcing a grin. 'It doesn't matter though. I told her it was wrong and she knows not to do it again.'

Ukraine gulped and met her brother's gaze. 'Y-You d-didn't be too h-harsh on her, d-did you?' she managed to splutter out. Russia looked at her and just smiled sadly. He gently stroked her back in an attempt to calm her down.

'It was the only way she'd learn,' he whispered softly. She nodded sadly, knowing he was right and then buried her face in his scarf. Russia hushed her and began stroking her hair. 'Bela is a strong girl. I wouldn't be surprised if she ended up coming to my house tomorrow proposing to me once again.' He groaned in annoyance. I wish she just leaves me alone…he thought silently, gazing toward the little pond. He didn't know it yet…but his wish was about to come true…

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On the other side of the landscape, just outside Russia's houses garden… Belarus sighed; she began trailing her hand on the white gate, not wanting to leave. She had been contemplating on what Iva- Russia had said and she knew she needed to change her ways. Firstly, she wasn't even fit to be a country…It is disgraceful to have such a whore as a country. She sniffled, quickly wiping away the tear which had trailed down her cheek she straightened herself up.

It was time to meet up with her real sibling…her dear twin brother, Nickolai.

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**I know this chapter isn't that long but I really don't have a set amount of words to do them in...**

**Oh, and I know that Nickolai is the Nyotalia version of Belarus. But in this story he shall play the role as Natalia's dear twin brother. I'm thinking that he may play a crucial role in this fic...maybe by playing cupid for a certain two people ;) (Not mentioning any names)**

**So...thoughts?**

**~SilentSicarius**


	3. The feeling of Emptiness: 3

**A/N: *Sigh* You all love me so much :') I am getting a lot of feedback, NOT. Haha, oh well. I'm guessin' it's either cause no one bothers, this fic is boring or it's so amazing you all are lost for words...nah...I didn't think so...**

**So...Read on!**

**Oh yeah...I don't own Hetalia...If I did I'd practically own the world (Or at least the countries)**

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**The feeling of emptiness**

_Chapter 3_

As soon as Ivan reached his house he sighed happily. He never really thought Bela would have gotten the message but she had. He began humming to himself contently. Ukraine wasn't angry with him, she had accepted the fact that what he did was for the best and she agreed that Bela would probably get over it soon enough. He looked over to the ground to see what he had stepped on during his thoughts and gasped. There lay a white ribbon which had been torn through the middle. _Bela…_ Ivan thought, _she must have had left this by accident._

He suddenly growled and yanked the ribbon and threw under the bed. _Or she left it on purpose; wanting an excuse to come back! That no good, stupid, selfish girl!_

He ran a shaky hand through his hair and took in deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. But it didn't really work. So, instead he fell onto his bed and let out a raged scream which was muffled by the pillow. Clenching his fist and gritting his teeth he he'd swore to himself that he'd never talk to that possessive wench again.

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Bela looked up nervously at the door in front of her. She began twirling her hair absentmindedly, with hundreds of thoughts rushing thought's her head at once.

_What if he hates me?_

**He's your brother you idiot!**

_So, I haven't bothered to visit him in ages. He might be angry with me._

**Well, he hasn't exactly put in the effort to try to see you either.**

_What am I going to say to him?_

**You know what to say to him.**

_How am I going to start though?!_

**Introduce yourself…**

Before she could retort the door flung open to reveal a tall, blond headed man with startling blue eyes. He leaned against the doorframe and glared at the girl, making her shrink a little.

'Yes?' he asked coldly, his eyes impassive.

'I-I,' Bela began; she had no idea what to say. Introduce yourself…Bela cleared her throat and stood up straighter. She eyed the tall man and poked him in the chest. 'I am your big sister mister! And I for one am very angry that you never bothered to pay me a visit!' She wacked him on the head in a playful way and stuck her tongue out at him, then she pushed him aside and let herself into the house.

Nikolai stood there dazed for a minute or two. He glanced back to the girl who was now inspecting the furniture. 'Who are you and what have you done with the Natalia?' he joked. She glared at him in reply, making him grin. He strode up towards her and wrapped him arms around her shoulders. 'So, my evil, elder twin, to what do I owe the pleasure of this delightful and quite surprising visit?'

Natalia looked towards him and smirked. 'Can't I just come over to see if my baby brother is still alive?'

'No,' he replied, without a second thought. Natalia shook her head in amusement. He let her go and gestured the sofa. 'Make yourself comfortable, I'll get the refreshments.' He made his way to the kitchen and Natalia sat herself down on the plush, brown leather sofa.

'Milk or orange juice?!' yelled Nikolai from the kitchen.

'Coffee please.' She really needed it.

'Are you sure you can hold the caffeine?'

Natalia growled. 'I'm not like you baby brother. Of course I can.'

'Alright…alright, if you say so,' he muttered.

He began to make the coffee, bringing out to cups from the oak cabinet and grabbing a jar full of coffee beans. As he poured in boiling hot water into the cups he began to wonder what the reasons might be to the sudden appearance of his sister.

_Am I in trouble? Nah, if I was she would've banged the door open. Is she in trouble? Maybe…she's very good at hiding her feelings. Maybe she's finally got a date…_Nikolai began laughing aloud at the thought, he didn't notice the cups over pouring with water but he did notice the burn that came on his hand once the water had scathed him.

'Ouch!' he cried, dropping the kettle. Luckily the water from the kettle hadn't spilled on the floor. Tears poured out of his eyes and he whined, nursing his injured palm. Natalia ran into the kitchen at the sound of crashing and began laughing at the scene within.

Nikolai sat on the floor, nearly close to tears, sucking onto the burn on his palm. Natalia slowly made her way to the sink and giggled. 'You are such a baby, brother,' she chimed, picking up a cloth and dampening it. Nikolai grunted in reply and as she crouched down to dab the cloth onto the burn he looked away, flinching slightly at the impact. Once she was done aiding him, he got up and made his way to the counter in an attempt to grab the cups.

'No you don't,' Natalia said, hurriedly picking the cups before another accident could be cause. He opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off. 'I don't care if this is your house. I'm your sister so I have the same right as you to do house work and cleaning.' She smiled at him, 'besides, I know you hate housework. Now sit down on the sofa. We have important matters to settle.'

Nikolai nodded, not wanting to protest with her. He crashed onto the sofa and peeked at the kitchen door. Placing his arm over his eyes he sighed. _Not that I don't enjoy your presence my dear sister. But what is so important? Why do you need to talk with me all of a sudden? _

That's how Natalia found him once she finished cleaning. He had his arm over his face and he was snoring quietly. She smiled softly at the sight. _Oh how you've grown my darling younger brother._ She fished through the bedroom and grabbed a blanket and placed it on the sleeping figure. She fondly ruffled his hair and sighed._ I'm sorry I wasn't there for you my little brother…_

She shook her head and decided that a walk in the nearby park would help her clear her thoughts.

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**I LOVE this Nikolai. He's so cute! Yeah, he's not the possessive type you all may have been expecting but I like him this way! Okay, Belarus is OOC, if she wasn't then this fic wouldn't work.**

**~SilentSicarius**


	4. The feeling of Emptiness: 4

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews! Haha, so I've decided to post another chapter before my mind goes completely blank due to exams. Damn them! If I was a country I would ban all tests and exams...but then comes the d****isclaimer:**

**I don't even have to say it...*sigh*...I own nothing... :'( And I am NOT a country /3 No matter how much I dream...**

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**The feeling of emptiness**

_Chapter 4_

Natalia always loved flowers; she never really showed or shared her love for flowers with anyone else. It was kind of hard to do so when the only close female acquaintance you have thinks you're a part psychopath. The part near Nikolai's house was quite small, nevertheless it was beautiful. She gazed at the slowly wilting flowers and smiled sadly.

_You may die, but you are reborn and can start anew._

She shook her head and concentrated her gaze onto the ground beneath her feet. She needed to clear her head. So much has happened in such little time, she really didn't know how to respond. She was happy that she had visited her brother, after all it had been quite a while since they last met, which was when she had become a country. She winced slightly at the memory.

_**[{Flashback Start}]**_

'You accepted?' he whispered softly into her ear as his arms encircled her petite frame in a gentle yet firm embrace. Natalia- or now known as 'Belarus', nodded slowly, the lump in her throat keeping her from answering. The boy sighed and pulled away from his sister. They looked identical at this stage, they were about the same height and both were skinny.

'I had to do it,' Nata- Belarus choked, burying her face into her brothers leather jacket. She inhaled his scent, wanting to get close to him, to make sure he was real. 'I'm so sorry,' she whispered, her voice on the verge of cracking.

'What about me?' Nikolai snapped, furiously pulling away from the embrace. 'Wasn't I included in this 'wise' decision of yours?' He looked away from Natalia once he realised that there was tears pouring out of her eyes, she sniffled and wiped her nose with the sleeve of her dress.

'Y-You w-were…' she trailed off, her legs gave way and she fell to the ground. Nikolai was alarmed and he rushed to her side. She hugged her knees tightly and buried her face into her arms. All that could be heard for a moment were her soft cries of anguish. Nikolai crouched down beside her and awkwardly patted her on the back, he had never seen his dear big strong sister cry this much.

'Natalia,' he spoke softly, nudging her with his palm. Her cries quietened a little and she met his stare with her red, puffy eyes. 'You have to tell me why you accepted…'

She kept staring at him for a long moment; it was almost as if she was trying to look into his soul. He shifted uncomfortably under the intense gaze. 'I wanted to,' she said, avoiding his look as she finally replied. She propped her chin onto her arms and began humming to herself, not wanting to see her brother's reaction.

'Fine, don't tell me yet. But promise me something…' he grasped her arms and pulled them down, gently taking her chin in his hands so that their eyes met. 'You won't keep it from me. Please tell me when you're ready to.' He searched her eyes, his own silently pleading her. She looked at his sincere gaze, she trusted him with his life but she couldn't tell him yet…maybe when they were both older.

'Okay,' she promised. He grinned at her and stood up, wiping his hands into his trousers. Natalia looked up to see the hand that was offered for her, she took it and he pulled her up. She was suddenly dragged into another embrace.

'I love you,' he whispered quietly. Natalia was about to question his sudden actions but he was dragged away from her. 'Visit me someday!' he shouted as he fought the men to let him free. They dragged him out the room forcefully, ignoring Natalia's cries of protest.

She screamed as they shut the door and ran towards it, trying to pull it open. But it was no use, it was locked. She sobbed and weakly pounded her fist against the door, wanting to see her brother once more. 'I love you too…' she cried. She shakily sad on the floor and wiped her eyes.

A voice echoed throughout the empty room, ringing into the poor girls ears.

'_Forget about him … Forget about him… Belarus…'_

_**{[Flashback end]}**_

She winced at the memory and sighed softly. She ran a hand through her soft, blond locks. _Huh…I've lost my ribbon…_ She looked frantically around the area, scanning for the silky material. She finally groaned in annoyance. Why was she so bothered about it anyway? She pinched the bridge of her nose. _Forget it…_ she shook her head. _It's probably in Nikolai's house somewhere._

She slowly patted the leaves that were on the ground beneath her and sat under a huge oak tree. She gazed up toward the sky and started to hum to herself a lullaby. Slowly her eyes fluttered shut and she was lulled away into a deep sleep. Dreaming about the day the white ribbon was given to her.

* * *

He paced back and forth in frustration. He needed to forget about the no good girl!_ Damn it! Why do I feel so…guilty?_ He growled in frustration, the anger finally bubbling up. He shut his eyes and inhaled through his nose…

….

'DAMN IT!' he roared, punching the desk beside him. He couldn't help but worry about Bela, even after what happened in his room. Many questions had been forcing entry into his thoughts. _Such as 'Where is she?' 'Is she okay?' 'Did I hurt her?'_

He clutched the desk, ignoring the searing pain coming from his hand. He glanced towards the window and tried to calm his thought. Finally he gave in.

_I am Russia! There is no way I'm going to let a petty bitch like her ruin me… _

He once again, shook his head. Pulling his scarf from the vanity he cursed silently. He needed to clear his thoughts...he needed a little walk in the small park on the edge of the area to clear his thoughts. It was a small park so it was unlikely that he'd have a run in with anyone familiar, so he'd be left to quietly calm himself.

…How wrong he was…

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**:O Russia and Belarus in the SAME park?!...Now that can't be good! What are you planning Sicarius?**

**I'm afraid I may not be able to update in a while due to exams and maybe an extreme case of writer's blog...but then again I might want to suprise you all ;) Oh and basically the flashback is kinda when Bela came to be a country...she was unknowingly seperated from her dear little twin brother... that's my take on how she came to be a...little...'possessive'...**

**~SilentSicarius**


	5. The feeling of Emptiness: 5

**A/N: Hello again. How'd you do? Yes, I'm still having a few exams here and there. But I thought I'd give you a chapter 'cause I'm cool like that :P So yeah...Please review...**

**Disclaimer: I'll own Hetalia once I become the owner of Harry Potter...which is never...**

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**The feeling of emptiness**

_Chapter 5_

'Stupid, so stupid…why am I still thinking…' Ivan muttered to himself darkly, not really paying attention to his surroundings. He walked around aimlessly around the small park until he found himself near small woodland, he resumed his dark muttering. Yawning, he sought out for some shelter as the wind began to pick up. He squinted and saw a large tree in the distance, upon closer inspection he realised there was a petite woman snoring softly under its branches, the woman seemed a tad familiar to him and he decided to approach her.

_**{{Flashback/Dream Start}}**_

Natalia crouched against the door, her arms wrapped tightly around her knees with her chin placed snugly on top. Her eyes were closed and her lips were pursed in a thin line, anyone would mistake this as a content expression. However, upon closer inspection you could pick out the raw, rosy cheeks with a trail of almost dried tears running a path down them. It had been an hour since she was forcefully split up from her brother and her heart was wrenching. It was at if someone had torn it into pieces and burned the remains in front of her.

A fresh set of tears began to make their way down her face but she hastily rubbed them away with her sleeve. She heard the sound of footsteps approaching her but she ignored them completely, burying her face even deeper into her arms.

'Are you okay?' a soft voice inquired from above. She grunted in reply, refusing to look up. 'I asked you a question?!' the boy above her said, raising his voice in frustration. She refused to acknowledge his presence, hoping he would just get bored of her and walk away. He didn't, he just stood there taking in deep breaths. 'Are you deaf?' he inquired, his voice dangerously low. She still refused to make eye contact, frustrating him even more.

Without warning he crouched down and pulled her arms away from her face making her yelp in pain. 'Who do you think you are?!' she cried, pushing herself as far away from him as she could; which was impossible, seeing as he still had a firm grip on her arms. 'Let me go!'

The boy smirked a little, blinking his pretty violet eyes. 'No,' he grinned stubbornly. Belarus glared at him, taking in his stocky appearance. _He actually looks pretty handsome…_she admitted silently, trying to murder him with her eyes. He didn't flinch beneath her gaze; he ended up matching it with the same eerie aura.

'Please let go of me,' she whispered softly, water welling up in her eyes. He looked at her in surprise, not expecting that kind of a response. He immediately let go of her arms, leaving her to rub the bruises that were forming.

'S-Sorry,' he stuttered slightly. _Why was she crying?_

She sniffled in response, offering him a weak smile. 'It's okay,' she croaked. The tears were now flowing freely onto her cheeks making her duck her head and draw her knees closer to her chest. The boy patted her curls awkwardly, offering some words of comfort.

'It'll be alright…' he murmured, carefully drawing her fragile body into his chest. He didn't know why he did it so instinctively but it felt so right! She clung to him in response, sobbing even harder into his neck.

'No it won't!' she wept. 'I'm all alone.' She went on whimpering. 'They took my brother- my only family- away from me.'

He shushed her, stroking her hair soothingly. _Her hair's so soft._ After a few minutes her sobbing stopped. 'Thank you,' she sniffled, refusing to meet his gaze as they pulled away from each other. He smiled softly in response.

'You know..' he began making her lift her face a little, 'you could always come and live with me and my sister, Ukraine.' She looked at him questionably, _why was he being so nice?_

'W-Who are you?' she asked shyly, blushing a little under his gaze.

He barked out with laughter in realisation of his forwardness. 'Apologies, my name is Ivan Braginsky, more formally known as Russia. And you are?'

'Natalia, Natalia Arlovskaya. More formally known as Belarus, I guess…'

His eyes widened a little at the recognition of the name. '_**You're**_ the new nation?!' he chuckled in disbelief. 'Why were you crying?!'

Belarus' glare hardened. 'They took my only family away from me,' she scowled. She looked at him coldly, 'you wouldn't understand.' Russia growled at the accusation.

'You don't know me!' he barked, making the girl flinch.

'Likewise,' she replied icily.

That stung a little but Russia didn't show it. He just sighed warily and pinched the bridge of his nose. 'They took my _**real**_ little sister away from me when I became a nation too,' he said softly.

She looked at him apologetically, 'I'm sor-'

'Don't be,' he smiled tightly. 'I hardly remember her anyway.'

'Oh,' she whispered softly. There was an awkward silence between them which lasted a minute or two.

'So…' Russia cleared his throat. 'Any thoughts on the offer?' he smiled nervously. She gave him a blank stare, not knowing what he was talking about. 'Will you stay with me and Ukraine?' he said slowly blushing a little at her intense stare. 'N-Not like that!' he squeaked, 'I meant like brother and sister!'

At the sound of the word 'brother' Belarus' heart tugged in pain at the memory of Nickolai. Russia looked at his shoes nervously, awaiting her response.

'O-Okay' she replied, tugging the strands of her hair. Russia grinned and pulled her into a bear hug, slightly choking her.

'Welcome to the family little sister,' he yelled in delight. 'Oh, wait,' he suddenly pulled away from her, much to her disappointment and relief. She took in the sweet air around her, greedily breathing in as much as she could. Meanwhile, Russia began to fish for something in his long coat's pocket. 'Here it is!'; he cried in victory, he pulled out a long white ribbon and placing it into her hands. 'A welcoming gift,' he exclaimed proudly.

She smiled gratefully, 'Thank you.' She braided it through her hair. 'Where'd you get it?'

'Oh…well I meant to buy it for Ukraine, but I remembered she would probably start bawling like a baby if I gave it her. So… it's yours! Besides, it matches your dress.'

'Thank you,' she repeated, throwing him another dazzling smile.

'It okay little sister,' he gave her one of his own charming smiles.

'Big brother,' she giggled. It rolled of her tongue, she felt a little guilty; trying to forget about her younger sibling but she shook the feeling of. This was her new life, she was a country now. She needed to accept the facts.

_**{{Flashback/Dream End}}**_

Natalia woke up and yawned; she stretched her arms and smiled fondly at the dream. Slowly she began blinking her eyes, taking in the surroundings around her. She realised she was in the park which was near her brother's house. _Oh…I must've fallen asleep_ she chuckled. She looked around her and realised that someone was crouched a few feet away from her, staring at her intensely.

'R-Russia?!'

'Hello…Belarus.'

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**Don't you just love cliff hangers? Now just a little personal info...I SUCK at history...So if I go off on a random occurance it's all cause of my lacking in knowledge. However, the beauty of Fanfiction...you can get away with that kind of a mistake.**

**Please go with the flow peeps! And PLEASE review!**

**Thank you! :)**

**~SilentSicarius**


	6. The feeling of Emptiness: 6

**A/N: Hello all! ****Hurray for the easter holidays :P So, anything new? **

**Disclaimer: ...You know the drill...**

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**The feeling of Emptiness**

_Chapter 6_

'R-Russia?!'

'Hello…Belarus.' He smiled at her bitterly from his position; she slightly flinched under his gaze as he observed her carefully.

'I'm really sor-'Natalia began. However, she was cut off by Ivan's hand as he raised it to silence her.

He shook his head and sighed. 'I don't want to hear it Bela,' he wiped his eyes tiredly. She shifted her position a little so she was facing away from the man. 'Where were you?' he asked in a bored tone.

'That is none of your business,' Belarus retorted, not at all surprised because of his cold demeanour.

Russia glared at her and growled, 'Well, make it my business.' He crawled closer to her and she shifted backwards until her back came in contact with the bark of the oak tree behind her. _Dammit!_ She silently cried. 'Are you going to answer the question?' his eyes glinted dangerously making Natalia gulp,_ since when was her beloved this scary?_ She opened her mouth but no words came out, her throat was dry and she was at a loss for words.

'Bela…' he whispered softly, gazing into her eyes. He inched his face closer to hers, causing her cheeks to redden and her breathing to quicken. She flickered her eyes shut and raised her head; _he's going to kiss me!_ She squealed inside. As she puckered her lips and leaned in for the making out of a life time, the heat was gone and she suddenly fell forward.

_Huh?_ She raised her head a little and saw Ivan smirking at her from above. 'You thought I was going to kiss you after what happened?' he asked coldly. Natalia blushed and scrambled from the floor, picking herself up and dusting her dress. 'Pathetic,' Ivan snorted making her glare at him. He shoved a hand in his pocket and placed the other one against the bark of the oak tree, pinning her against it.

Her breathing became rapid once again as she felt his breath against her ear. _He's so close!_ 'You're truly in love with me' he whispered huskily, nibbling onto her ear lobe. She moaned breezily, squeezing her eyes shut. She hadn't really heard what he said. He chuckled a little; the vibrations of the melodious sound making her knees go weak. 'Looks like the tables have turned petty whore.'

He took a step back and gauged her reaction with a devilish grin on his face. 'Y-You-' she clenched her fists and gritted her teeth.

'Y-Y-You,' he mimicked, placing his hands behind his back and supporting a Cheshire smile. 'Spit it out,' he rolled his eyes as she growled.

'You're such a bastard,' she spat.

He raised his eyebrows at her, 'A bastard that you happen to love.' Her eyes widened at his sudden accusation. Sure…it was slightly true…but how did he know?!

'W-What,' she stammered. 'I don't know what you're talking about,' her face told him over wise. Her cheeks were red and her eyes looked everywhere apart from him.

'Oh, really?' he inquired, raising an eyebrow. 'Then why where you moaning out my name in your sleep?'

'W-What?!' she spluttered. She was calling out his name? Stupid Natalia! She mentally scolded herself.

Ivan carried on, enjoying his torture session. 'And then you awoke muttering, Ivan I love you! Be mine forever and let's have children!'

Natalia choked on her own saliva. _What?!_ 'I never said that!' she barked.

'How would you know?' he chuckled, 'You were asleep at the time.'

'I wouldn't say anything as stupid as that, even in my sleep!' she snapped.

Ivan snorted at this. 'What happened to "Big brother! Become one with me!" is that not stupid? And you definitely wasn't asleep when you said that,' he shuddered at the memory of Belarus clawing at him and embracing him tightly.

'Fine!' she cried. 'I used to love you. But I don't now…' she trailed off, avoiding his gaze.

He looked at her for a few seconds before he burst out laughing. 'Sure,' he sniggered, 'You've fallen out of love with me after a few days.'

'You better believe it big brother!'

His attitude abruptly changed, his eyes darkened and his smile transformed into a snarl. 'I am not your big brother.' Natalia went wide-eyed at his sudden change of behaviour. 'Nor are you my sister.' That stung, Natalia wouldn't admit it to him but it did. She kept herself from crying…she deserved this after all.

'No sister of mine would force themselves on me,' he spat with disgust.

Tears of guilt and sadness pricked the corner of Natalia's eyes. 'Big brother I'm so sor-'

'Shut up!' he bellowed making her jump. Her eyes were widened in fright and she covered her face like a terrified pup. He advanced toward her and raised his arm, she took in a shaky breath; preparing herself for a beating.

Unexpectedly a voice cried from the distance. 'Natalia!' it bellowed, 'Where in the world are you.' Ivan's eyes widened as he was broken out of his spell. _What am I doing? _He panicked as the voice was drawn closer. Looking at the terrified girl in front of him his eyes softened slightly.

'Sorry,' he muttered, leaving the shaking girl as he ran away, deeper into the woodlands.

'Natalia,' the voice cried as the person caught sight of the shaken girl. He ran towards her. 'Are you alr-' he was caught off guard as she flung her arms around him in a tight embrace, sobbing into his chest. He looked at the girl in alarm. Slowly, adjusting their position, he hushed her, soothingly stroking her hair. 'Natalia…'She buried his face even deeper into his chest. Nikolai could tell that she was in no state to talk. So he slowly guided her back to his home.

Once they were in the house he placed her on the couch, passing her a handkerchief. She blew into it and clutched it into her hands. Nikolai observed the sullen girl, her eyes were bright red; they looked like they were burning and her face was no better. He placed his palm over her forehead, she was warm.

Natalia gazed at her brother impassive expression and opened her mouth to speak. He shushed her and shook his head smiling slightly. 'You're getting a fever,' he whispered, 'you need some rest.' She opened her mouth to protest but he cut her off again. 'Please go to sleep, you can explain later.' He was worried, even though his expression showed no emotion his eyes gave away the obvious.

She smiled at him and nodded her head. Giving him a quick hug she whispered into his ear, 'Thank you… brother.' With that she placed her head on the plush cushion and her eyes drooped shut not soon afterwards.

Nikolai smiled softly, placing a blanket around her. Tears began to form in his eyes, 'I missed you,' he admitted quietly, 'I thought you forgot about me.' He sniffled and hugged his knees. 'First mama and papa…then you,' he sounded like a frightened child. 'I love you Natalia. I tried to look for you,' his voice cracked, he knew she wasn't listening but he had to get it out of his system. 'I was so scared sister,' tears were flowing freely down his cheek. He buried his face in his arms, 'please don't leave me again.' His sobs were muffled by his arms, he tried to stop them but he couldn't. 'Promise me you won't leave,' he wept.

He felt arms encircling around his shoulders, he didn't bother to look to see who it was and just continued to cry. 'I promise,' Natalia whispered softly, rocking her younger brother back and forth in her arms. She had heard everything and was surprised. Nikolai was always had the 'tough man' act, she thought he'd forgotten about her. But it was obvious he was terrified when she was taken away from him.

Their parents were killed when they were younger and that left them to fend for themselves. Natalia always looked after her younger brother even though there was only a few seconds age difference. She acted like his mother and he acted like the immature, spoilt child. She tried to stop his tears but he continued to cry, leaning against her for support as he broke in front of her.

She began to shed her own tears as her heart sagged in guilt. _He was worried about me all this time and I tried to forget about him… _He buried his face in her hair as she placed her chin on his shoulder. There they sat and cried. Years of emotions that had been bottled up were finally spilling out. But they didn't care. They had lost each other once and now they were re-united they'd never let go. Natalia loved her little brother, she would always love him.

They fell asleep in each other's arms; a family once lost were re-united again.

* * *

***sniffle* I'm not crying! ****Yeah, Russia was a bit of a git...but Belarus did 'force' herself onto him...**

**I LOVE cute ickle little Nikolai! So cute and adorable...I want to give him a big hug...**

**Please Review!**

**~SilentSicarius**


	7. The feeling of Emptiness: 7

**A/N: Yes...I know...I'm a bad person. *sigh* The thing is I've not been very well lately...so yeah... But I shall update as quick as I can! This is a little (Yes...I mean a 'little') longer than my other chapters. It's a...apology for being a bad writer. I'M SORRY!**

**Disclaimer: I'll die from my sickness if I say it...*sniffle* You know the drill...*sobs silently in a corner***

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**The feeling of Emptiness**

_Chapter 7_

Sun was streaming through the window, beaming down upon the two sleeping young adults. Natalia blinked rapidly once the light hit her eyes, trying to make them adjust. She found herself in her brothers firm embrace; smiling sadly at the memory of last night. She had caused him so much pain…he broke down in front of her. She laughed quietly; who knew a nineteen-year-old could have built up so many emotions and let them out all at once.

Slowly, she pried the boy's arms away from her, careful not to awaken him. Once she had finally escaped his warm grasp, the coolness of the room hit her; sending chills down her spine. She was still a little drowsy, and her fever wasn't gone. However, she felt better than ever. A huge weight was lifted of her shoulders. Her relationship with her true brother was back and mended. So far, she was the happiest person in the world.

She heard a soft sneeze from behind her, she saw her brother cuddling within the blankets, coughing slightly. _He looks like a poorly teddy bear…_she thought. She placed her hand over his forehead, making him shiver from the contact. _He's burning up!_ She thought in surprise. His breathing was shallow and heavy. _Oh no! He must've caught a cold when he was looking for me yesterday!_

She looked at the boy worriedly. She rushed to the kitchen and decided to make him a cup of tea. This should boost his strength…at least a little…

* * *

_Damn it! Why did I run?_

He growled kicking the desk in his fit of anger. Why did he run? The question whizzed through his mind, like a lost puppy; it haunted him. _Who was that guy anyway? How dare he take my Natal- wait, 'my Natalia'… since when has it been 'my Natalia'?_ He rambled on to himself; not noticing the meek opening of his door.

'Eh… M-Mr Russia?'

He whipped around to glare at the person who dared to interrupt his thoughts. Ah…Lithuania ….this is your unlucky day.

'What?' he snapped coldly, advancing towards the stuttering man. The timid country began to step back nervously, 'Miss Ukraine is here to see you…' he stammered, ducking his head into his arms; waiting for a blow.

'U-Ukraine?' he exclaimed in surprise. _This was her second visit in a week…what's up? _'Send her in…' the man nodded in response and rushed out of the door.

Russia sighed, wiping his forehead in stress. It's not that he didn't want a visit from dear Ukraine. It just wasn't the right time, or place for such a thing. He had plenty of stuff to do…but it may be a good distraction. It may help him forget about the Natal- Belarus incident. Of course, he was probably going to have to talk to Belarus pretty soon anyway. There was a world conference next week and it's not as if he could avoid her or anything…

'Brother!' a voice cried out in joy. 'How are you?' Russia turned around to the source of the voice and his eyes opened wide. Who was this woman?

'U-Ukraine,' he asked cautiously.

The woman giggled cutely. 'Yes brother. Of course it's me.' She blinked her dazzling blue eyes and twirled around.

Russia gulped as he observed his older 'sister'. She was wearing a sky blue sleeveless dress which stopped just below her knees. It was held back as the waist with a white silk sash tied with a bow at the back. Her flawless shoulders were hidden by a delicate cotton shawl, which hung gracefully around her upper arms. She was wearing white gladiator sandals, with painted toenails shimmering underneath. Her hair was put up in a bun, held together with a jewelled sunflower clip. Two delicate curls hung down the sides of her face, and her make-up was done up perfectly, her lips pouting slightly in an adorable way under the light pink gloss.

'U-Ukraine…' he repeated, astounded. He was unable to look away from her charming face. There was a sense of pure happiness emanating from it. For once…her large breasts were not the most noticeable features…

'So…what do you think?' she asked nervously, twirling one of her loose curls. She had been up most of the day just trying to get her hair done, never mind her make-up! It was a long, agonising wait but she managed to see it through to the end. And the results were perfect! Russia was openly staring at her with his jaw dropped, unable to string together a coherent sentence.

She smiled softly at the stunned man and ruffled his hair affectionately. 'Are you at a loss for words?' she asked quietly. Their eyes clashed and he swore he saw hints of tears in hers. He used his thumb to gently wipe away the wet trickle down her cheek, carefully trying not to damage her fragile face.

'You're beautiful,' he whispered softly in reply, unable to keep the smile of his face. Indeed, she was beautiful. She looked like an angel; a fallen angel. Of course Ukraine had always been Russia's angel…whenever he was down she'd always come in and bring back the cheerful mood. She's always cry for him whenever he was in any sort of pain, he always acted as if she was a burden but secretly…he was thankful that she did. 'You look like a pure angel, sestra…'

'Thank you,' she grinned, grabbing onto his hand. 'And you always look dashing my sweet knight.' He chuckled at her sudden innocent, child-like behaviour. It reminded him of the old days; when it was him, Ukraine and Belar- he cringed slightly at his thought, this wasn't the best time to ponder over these matters. He shook his head, dismissing the feeling and looked back at Ukraine. Her eyes were now filled with worry. 'How are you?' she matched his gaze, her voice soothing and comforting.

'I'm fine,' he replied, his voice slightly betrayed him as it came as a robotic response. Ukraine knew she wouldn't get anything out of him yet, so she patted his shoulder softly and grinned. 'Sestra…where are you going?' he asked.

Ukraine smiled at him mischievously. 'I'm going to meet some people.' Her answer wasn't enough to feed the Russians curiosity.

'Who?' he asked, a sudden surge of protectiveness came over him as he thought of the possibilities of his sister having another man in her life. _Why else would she be dressed so nicely? _

'Relax… my br- friend is going to be with me, he'll protect me.'

Russia raised his eyebrow sceptically. 'He?'

'Yes 'he',' she laughed. 'And if things go right…they'll be someone I'd like you to meet. Well…' she looked at him shyly,' maybe two someone's.'

Two?! Russia scrunched his eyebrows together. You mean…she has two men with her…well maybe one man but still! 'I'm coming with you,' he sat, a protective tone to his voice.

This made the girl giggle; Russia looked cute when he was protective. He always had been her knight. Especially when she was harassed by men who couldn't get over the fact that her chest size was so…different…

'No…not today.' He looked at her with a blank expression. 'I'll be okay,' she insisted grabbing onto his rough hands, 'I have someone who'll protect me.'

'O-Okay..' he mumbled, still a little unsure of himself. Ukraine patted his shoulder one again and walked towards the door.

'I'm glad you're okay…Ivan,' she breathed and gave him a thumb up. 'Just do what your heart tells you and everything will be okay…'with that she rushed out of the room before Ivan could argue any further.

The Russia stared at the door which she just left through; his features were slightly scrunched up. 'Listen to your heart…' he placed his palm over his chest and sighed. His eyes showed the pain and suffering he had endured over the years; the people he had slaughtered for reasons of self-gain and self-defence. An odd sensation filled his chest and realisation came over him. 'I have no heart…'

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**OH RUSSIA! I WANT TO HUG YOU AND I DON'T AT THE SAME TIME! I hope this isn't as OOC as it can be... I try to fit the personality of the characters and the country...make sense? Yeah, as a treat I'll let you decide who to pair Ukriane with...they are a few exceptions which I'll not allow because they already have a "special" role in this fic...I know some of you will easily guess the other person that'll accompany Ukraine *wink***

**Tootles,**

**SilentSicarius (Who's still sick!) :/**


	8. The feeling of Emptiness: 8

**A/N: Argh! I'm so sorry! Please don't murder me! All the excuse Ihad this time is that I was busy... And these days inspiration seems hard to come by. I've drowned myself in a bundle of soppy anime's...*sniffle*...I am NOT crying.**

**Disclaimer: As if sad anime's are bad...*sob*...I own nada.**

* * *

**The feeling of Emptiness**

_Chapter 8_

Everything felt weird and woozy…he felt like he was in a dream. He yawned a little and let out a light sneeze, wiping his face carelessly. He grabbed the edges of the couch and tried to pull himself up, however he failed. _Huh…I don't feel well…_ he groaned, wiping excess water away from his eyes. He saw the blanket which was tangled around him and dragged it close; enjoying the warm feeling he snuggled into its comforting heat.

'Nickolai,' a voice called, banging into his head. He cringed a little, feeling as if he was having a hangover. 'Nickolai,' the voice called again, this time it was closer.

'Go away,' he whined, his voice muffled from under the blanket. He began shivering, as if an ice cold breeze hit him.

Natalia gazed at her brothers shaking form under the blankets. She smiled softly and crouched down, patting the outline of his head. 'I've made you some tea, Брат,' she spoke softly. Nickolai pulled the blanket away from his face and yawned sleepily, rubbing his eyes. He looked at her with innocent eyes, _he looks cute when he's ill…_she thought absentmindedly.

'Прывітанне Nata,' he coughed. He rubbed the bridge of his red nose and glared at his sister as she giggled.

'You look so cute,' she mumbled, trying not to speak to loud. Nickolai glared at her, not liking her response.

'My tea?' he demanded, holding out his hands. Natalia rolled her eyes and grabbed his cup from the kitchen, when she came back she placed it gently on the small table, besides the phone. 'This is where the Brit's have taste,' he sighed, placing his arms over his head.

She was staring at him, he realised. He sneezed once again, turning his head to the side. 'Did you poison me?' he groaned.

She glared at him. 'Do you want me to?' she inquired in a sugary voice.

'Don't talk like that little sister,' he breezily whispered, referring to her height. Natalia blinked in surprise. _He sounds like...my beautiful big brother…._

Her chest constricted, as she struggled to keep a hold of herself. Russia…

'Hey little sister, are you okay?' he teased, not noticing his sisters pale face.

She growled to herself. _Big brother Russia is mine!_ Her eyes dulled, as if she was in a trance. 'Big brother…how are you…?' she whispered, pushing herself towards Nickolai.

He gulped at her tone. 'I'm fine,' he squeaked, cowering beneath the covers. _She looks so damn…creepy… _

'Come on big brother…' she hissed, her nails scraping her palms. 'You know you want me to.' Her eyes darkened and she smiled, showing off her teeth.

'Sister…?' Nickolai asked meekly, shrinking beneath the covers. _She's so creepy…_

Licking her lips she crouched onto the crumbling Nickolai, 'Become one with me, Ivan…'

'Natalia!' he cried out, snapping the girl out of her trance. She looked around wildly and immediately began apologising to her shaken brother; tears began to pour out of her eyes.

'I'm sorry Nickolai, I-I didn't mean to. That was the old me, I promised to not be her again. I don't know what went into me. It was a natural reaction; I didn't mean to frighten you. I don't even belong here; I can't even you two days without freaking someone out.' She buried her head into her hands, 'Oh gosh… I'm so messed up…'

Nickolai calmed down at the sight of her crying sister. He sat up, balance his wobbly frame. Reaching over he patted his sibling's hair softly. 'There there,' he hushed. When Natalia finally calmed down she gazed into her twin's emotionless gaze.

'I'm so sorry Брат,' she murmured, her voice was cracked; her throat was dry from her sobbing.

Nickolai patted her hair affectionately. 'It's okay Nata. Now…' he looked into her fragile soul and sighed. 'I don't mean to sound rude, but I'm just acting as a worried protective brother when I say…what the _fuck_ happened to you.'

Russia was growling to himself, he managed to fall asleep whilst flitting through some important document and accidently spilt his old cup of coffee over them. After demanding a shaken Estonia to get some clean copies he decided to go for a walk in a nearby town, somewhere where nobody would recognise him…hopefully.

'Hey Russia! Is that you dude?' a painfully loud shriek pierced through his hearing, making him cringe. 'RUSSIA!'

'What?!' he snapped, facing towards the American. America didn't seem to be fazed by his dampened mood; in fact…his grin only became wider.

'What's up dude?' he smiled at him brightly, rubbing his hands together. He shivered under a gust of wind, 'Sure is cold…'

'What are you doing here?' Russia asked, ignoring America's attempt to make a friendly conversation… he wasn't in the mood. America was one of the last countries he'd like to see.

'Well I-'his smile faltered slightly. 'I was wondering if we could like hang out, you know? See the sights and all…?'

Russia sighed; he gave a smile at the American. 'Sure we can hang out America…' A purple aura was built up around him and his facial expressions came from being hostile to pure creepy.

'Dude…?'

'…'

'Duuudee?'

'Kolkolkol…'

'Urgh…' America shrunk a bit, 'Umm…did you like hear that dude?' he yelled. 'My bro Matt's calling me…' he gave a glance at the Russian.

'Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol…' was his reply.

'See you…' was his last words before he disappeared into the midst. Russia stared blankly at the spot which America had vacated only moments ago.

'What'd I do?' he asked to no one in particular. 'What is 'Matt'?' Shrugging slightly he resumed his walk, humming to himself. For some reason… he felt better. _I must remember to thank that dumb American…_ he hummed, closing his eyes and letting the wind billow at his hair.

* * *

**TRANSALATONS:**

**A/N: I solely used Google translate, that was my guide. Now I cross my fingers and pray it was right. If I've made any mistakes please point them out.**

**_Брат_: Belarusian for 'brother'. You pronounce it as 'brat'...seems fitting if you ask me.**

**_Прывітанне _: Belarusian for 'hello'. You pronounce it as 'pryvitannie'**

**If I have made any mistakes I apologies deeply. Please tell me if I have...**

* * *

**Thanks for taking your time to read :D ****Please PLEASE review. It'd make me feel so much better... *puppy face* Thoughts?**

**SilentSicarius**


	9. The feeling of Emptiness: 9

**A/N: I started a new story but I decided to try not to go any further with that one until I have this one completed! Aren't I so dedicated? ;)**

**Anyways, this'll be slightly OOC and angst, just warning you beforehand. Also, after reading this chapter please feel free to read the author's note at the end, thanks.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, plain and simple.**

**The feeling of Emptiness**

_Chapter 9_

The moonlight peeked within the gaps of the poorly fitted shutters on the broken window. Dust danced within these pools of light, aging the quant house even more. The atmosphere was suffocating, air being damp and murky, creating the room even more so tight.

A soft pale hand stroked a stray piece of her hair, in a soothing rhythm. 'I love you,' rasped the thick voice, making his partner stop his movement by blocking his hands.

'I love you too,' she replied softly gazing into his deep purple eyes. He smiled at her, she smiled back. It would have been a sweet romantic scene for any onlooker if it wasn't for the fact that the atmosphere squeezed out the sweetness.

'Don't ever leave me…' he whispered, cradling her delicate face between his large hands. She chuckled and gave his hand a squeeze. Their twin diamond rings twinkled from the lighting from the moon.

'I'll never leave you…' she trailed off, closing her eyes.

He stroked her cheek, her lips, and her eyes; all in a delicate movement as if he tried to do it any harder the fragile beauty would break. Finally his fingers rested onto his neck, circling the hallow base of her throat. 'You promise?'

She opened her mouth to answer immediately but the words died in her throat. She tried again but nothing came out, only whips of air. She opened her eyes, what was happening?

'Why aren't you promising me?' demanded the rough voice from above, his finger pressed against her neck slightly harder, making her wince.

She tried again, but her voice betrayed her. His violent eyes were flashing dangerously and he grabbed her neck, tightening his grip around her windpipe with each passing second. The woman panicked, trying desperately to escape his hold. She flapped her limbs about like a flailing fish without water she was a delicate human without air. She silently pleaded for him to stop his movement, her eyes watering beneath the pressure. After a few more seconds the struggling stopped, her eyes had lost there sparkle as they were trained to look at the manic man above.

'You didn't promise,' he growled. Russia grinned evily, tossing the dead woman aside. 'Who knew? Belarus…is such a whore…'

The dream dissolved as Natalia woke up, startled as she sat up straight. She was panting heavily and beads of sweat ran down her red face. Was it…a night mare?

She placed her thin fingers onto her throat, feeling slightly at ease as it remained intact. Wiping her fore head with the back of her hand she propped herself against the wall, clutching the thin blankets to her chest. Slowly she turned her head to glance at the time, 02:54am.

She sighed, sitting on the side of her bed. There was no use going to bed again, she had a feeling she'd be woken up soon enough anyway in another unpleasant way. Not wanting to disturb her younger brother she quietly crept out of her bedroom, making sure to be extra careful when passing the hall where his bedroom door was slightly ajar. She snuck into the kitchen and poured herself a cool glass of water, gulping it down hastily she placed the glass onto the counter and slid onto the cold tile floor.

She sighed once again, placing her arms around her knobbly knees. She'd spilled a lot of her secrets today, maybe too much of them. But, she wasn't in the mood to berate herself. Placing her head against the wall she closed her eyes, her breathing calmed and her chest was no longer heaving.

_**{{Flashback Start}}**_

There had been quite awkward silence after she spilt her guts, she had expected to feel slightly better but she only felt worse. Glancing worriedly at her brother she wondered if she had burdened him by telling him her story…her ENTIRE story…

Nikolai was staring at the floor beneath him, seemingly in deep thought. He had been quite stunned by what she had to tell. He finally looked up to meet her worried gaze and uttered the words that were stuck in his mind. 'That was…wow…' was all he said.

Her eyes were still red and puffy from her sobbing fit she had experienced when recalling how horrible she felt when she left him and what she had to endure.

**/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\**

_Pain…so much pain…_

_She was spluttering blood and her body was changing, quite rapidly. Was this supposed to happen? She screamed in agony as another wave of pain hit her, it felt as if a knife was being slowly dragged along her chest. Gulping, she swallowed a sob, what was this torture she was being subjected to?_

"_This is the consequence of becoming a country." A voice echoed before her, she pain no mind to it, concentrating more on curling up into a tight ball in order to ease the pain and comfort herself. She was taken by surprise by the intensity of the pain. She had just been told what to do by the voice, it had explained everything to her, the Hetalian's, Nyotalian's, all of it; even how their fates were intertwined. _

_They were two pieces of a whole. One was to be shown as a country; to represent the people, fight the wars and the battles, organise uprising and speak for what their citizens thought best. The other represented the earth and land itself; whether peaceful and calm or rough and disturbed. Even though they were so closely linked there were to be separated, to ensure that any bonds were broken. Of course they were allowed to visit each other but once given their duty they couldn't face up to their partners knowing how much they wrecked havocked, neglected and even destroyed them._

_Both countries and land were shown as sibling, twins to be exact. They aged with each other and died with each other, in most cases anyway. Some siblings chose to ignore the fact that they had differences, and remained together as brother and sister, rather than country and land. However it would have some consequence as when the people decided to rebel the siblings would fight, whether verbally or physically._

_Natalia gripped the fabric of her chest tightly, panting quickly. The pain wasn't as much as in the beginning. But she was told that this was nothing compared to what her Nyotalian counterpart had to face. She couldn't help but worry about her younger sibling as he would be going through something much more intense then herself._

'_I promise to see you again Nikolai…' she whispered softly, a tear leaking down the corner of her eye and trailing down her wet, stone cold cheek._

**/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\/\\\**

Nikolai stared at her eyes, watching them rage in battle with a dozen of emotion. Once he realised what she was thinking about he sighed. 'Don't you dare blame yourself Nata,' Nikolai whispered harshly as she dived into his embrace. He cringed at the thought of what he had to experience. Yes, it was much worse but it wasn't like he had a choice. It's not like he could decide not to be the land anymore.

'Did it hurt?' Natalia asked, breaking him away from his train of thoughts.

'Yes,' he admitted, turning his head away. She opened her mouth to apologies but he shook his head. 'I said it's not your fault, now come on let's get to bed.' He stood up, offering his hand which she took. 'Sweet dreams,' he whispered to her once she was tucked beneath her covers.

…only if…

_**{{Flashback End}}**_

Natalia gripped harder onto her knees at the memory, her nails digging into the nude skin, drawing out blood. She had told him a lot, practically everything she knew, even more then she realised she knew. He listened quietly, throwing in occasional remarks but that had been all. She remembered when she told him about her meeting with Russia he stopped her softly with one single sentence which still haunted her.

'_You love him don't you?'_

Sure she hadn't answered him right there. She just hissed at him for interrupting and carried on, even though he had probably realised her answer from her flushed face.

'Yes, I guess I do…' she whispered solemnly, placing her face into her hands to cover her quiet sobs. _ I'm so messed up…_

_It's not like I can avoid him any longer. I mean, I'll definitely see him in the world meeting…which is in two days…_She wanted to hide from him forever. She was too ashamed to even look at him because she had realised, that since the first day she'd met him- well maybe not the first. She had acted like a whore.

**There you go! Yes, they're a lot of confusing subjects in this chapter so allow me to explain. Hetalians (I could NOT figure out a better name, apologies) are basically representatives for the people of a country. Whereas Nyotalian's represent the land. The only reason as to why Nyotalians are more pained is because the land has had been scarred from battles, riots, natural disasters etc. This is why Nikolai burnt his hand or fell sick, as a result of the land being unsettled by something. I thought that it's explains why Nikolai existed in this story and why he was aging more or less the same as Natalia. Also, the reason why some twins choose not to meet each other is because of guilt or emotional attachment etc., the last thing they want to do is rebel against their people. **

**So, when a country is at its downfall and the land along with the people (or the people who have a sense of belonging to that particular country) dies they both die, together. In some cases not both of them die, such as for Gilbert (Prussia) because the spirits of his people still remain as in Germany you can get the sense of that Prussian culture. However, as the land no longer remains marked as 'Prussia' his Nyotalian counterpart has died. (I'm SO sorry, she's so badass and I really wanted to put her in this story, as an alive character. But I guess her awesomeness is too much for this fic to handle) **

**I hope that explains the somewhat confusing basis to this story. If you're puzzled in any way just PM me your question or leave a review. **

**Oh, and any guesses on who the mysterious voice may belong to? I'm not going to reveal, just curious on what you think.**

_**~SilentSicarius**_


	10. The feeling of Emptiness: 10

**A/N: Hurray! My 10****th**** chapter…I feel proud of myself :') I've not been getting any reviews lately but I'm glad to know that people are reading, thanks for your faves and follows. Oh, and I really how no one's confused at this point… I wouldn't be surprised if you were… Let's have a bit of Russia this time ;)**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Hetalia, only the plot of this story.**

**The feeling of Emptiness**

_Chapter 10_

'_**How are you, aru?'**_

'_**I am good, and you?'**_

'_**I am good too. What do you want, aru? I'm very busy.'**_

'_**I'm sorry China; I need to 'talk' with someone…'**_

'_**Eh..?'**_

'_**China?'**_

' _**Sorry aru. I-I have to go.'**_

'_**Wait! China! …China…?'**_

_**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**_

Russia sighed in annoyance, slamming the phone onto the desk. Was he so desperate to talk to someone? How about America? No, he wasn't the best person for advice. France? Too romantic… England? … He gets suspicious too quickly. Germany? He is bit temperamental. The Italy's? What was he, insane?

He groaned in annoyance, he couldn't handle this. He could always feign sickness and skip the meeting, but he wasn't a coward- last time he hid from Belarus was because he had a good reason too! Now he was even more nervous that before…why? Because he didn't know how to handle awkward situations like these!

_Urgh! Stupid Nata- Belarus. Damn, stupid brain…_

His phone started to ring; he brought it up to his ear.

'_**Hello? Ivan?'**_

'_**Ukraine? Where are you?'**_

'_**I'm out brother. Guess who I bumped into?'**_

'_**Was it that American?'**_

'_**The wha- no, no it wasn't. What's he got to do with this?'**_

'_**Nothing…'**_

'_**Hm…okay… are you ready to guess?'**_

'…'

'_**I'll just hand her the phone, okay?'**_

A whine of protest could be heard from the other side, Russia began to lose his patience.

'_**Ukraine, I'm busy. Goodb-'**_

'_**Hello Ivan…'**_

Russia momentarily stopped. He could recognise from the tone of the voice that there was a woman on the other side of the phone. However, he couldn't remember hearing that voice before.

'_**Who's this?'**_

He pondered; there was a deep intake of breath from the other side of the line.

'_**You don't recognise me?!'**_

'_**No. Now answer the question.'**_

'_**I-' *sigh* 'Forget it мой защитник'**_

Russia's eye's widened, he recognised that phrase… _No, it couldn't possibly be._

'_**Sorry for disturbing you, I know you're busy.'**_

_Could it?_

'_**Good bye.' **_

His thoughts came to a halt as the call had come to an end. His breath was caught in his throat, _she's well. She's not forgotten him and she's well… _

'Anya…?'

Without a second thought he fumbled with the buttons on his phone hastily. Bringing the speaker up to his ear he muttered to himself, 'come one, come on, come one…'

'_**Hel-'**_

'_**Ukraine! That girl! Pass it to that girl!'**_

_**There was a moment of silence.**_

'_**To who?'**_

_**Russia groaned, clenching his fists tightly. He hissed through his teeth making the girl squeak.**_

'_**The girl…Anya…the one I was talking to.'**_

'_**Oh, her…'**_

'_**Yes, her. Give it to her!'**_

'_**Sorry I can't brother. She's gone-'**_

_G-Gone?_

'_**-she said something about being in a hurry to meet with a friend.'**_

_**Friend? What friend? Russia growled, burning holes into the floor.**_

'_**Did she say where she was going?'**_

'_**Hm… no, not really.'**_

_**Russia sighed in defeat; he just found her and lost her- just like that.**_

'_**I could always ask Dmitri…'**_

'_**Wh-? Oh, him. *Growl* Do whatever you want, I need to talk to her!'**_

'_***Giggle* Okay. I have to go now! Matthew, please wait a little!'**_

'_**Wait! Who's Matt-'**_

_**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**_

He clenched his jaw tightly, slamming the phone to the desk with a powerful force. _Matthew? Is he the man courting my sister? Matthew…Matthew. Matty. Matt…Matt? That sounds really familiar… where have I heard that before…_

_**{{Flashback Starts}}**_

'_Hey Russia! Is that you dude?' _

'_RUSSIA!' _

'_What's up dude?' _

'_Sure is cold…'_

'_Well I-'_

'_I was wondering if we could like hang out, you know? See the sights and all…?' _

'_Dude…?'_

'_Duuudee?'_

'_Urgh…'_

'_Umm…did you like hear that dude?' _

'_My bro Matt's calling me…' _

_**{{Flashback ends}}**_

_My bro Matt…_

_My BRO Matt…_

_Bro…it's abbreviation of the word brother…_

Russia gulped, his mouth turned dry at the sudden tenseness in the room as it was registered to him…

_America referred to his brother as Matthew…._

_That means Ukraine is going out with- _He cringed at the thought.

_No, just no._ He fell onto his black leather chair. _Please no…_ He pursed his lips and bowed his heads, praying silently for his sanity to remain intact…

Now, he definitely needed ALL the help he could get.

* * *

**_Translation_****_ (Thanks to google translate!)_**

**мой защитник – **Russian for 'my protector', you pronounce itas** ' **moy zashchitnik'

**Poor Russia… Don't worry Matthew isn't bad at all! Hehe, I kind of think my Ivan is acting a tad similar too Germany…maybe slightly too much for my liking. What do you think? Hmmm…what else….? Oh! I hope you are all having a good summer…I know I'm not…It's raining and dreary. *sigh* Well, this is England…**

**What do you think of the UkrainexCanada pairing? It was that or UkrainexTurkey. I couldn't decide so I tossed a coin and yeah… Sorry, the chapter isn't as long as normal. I've just got a chemistry exam then two weeks of solid work experience. Then I'm free! XD …for the start of summer X_X**

**~SilentSicarius**


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